One Liners!

I bet you I could stop gambling...

A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.

There are two rules for success:        1.) Don't tell all you know...

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge. 

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. 

Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway. 

The statement following is true. The statement prior is false. 

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."

Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.